Monday Hoddle of Coffee: News and Links for October 2nd, 2017

Happy Monday Spursland!

So, another weekend, another win eh? OK, I’m just going to be the one to come out and say it- aren’t Spurs becoming a little bit... y’know... boring? [EDITOR’S NOTE: no.] I mean, watching Harry Kane and Christian Eriksen putting away spectacular goals at will week after week is fun in a way, but on a more fundamental level, wasn’t it more entertaining to watch Roman Pavlyuchenko routinely shank good chances 50 yards over the bar? [ED. NOTE: it most definitely was not.] Yeah, sure, there’s every chance we might actually have a team in place to win something this year- but without encountering any hardship along the way, will it really feel like we’ve earned it? [ED. NOTE: you’ve been a Tottenham fan for a decade and a half and the only fleeting moments of joy you’ve had in that time have been our CL run, the 2008 Carling Cup final, and Jan Vertonghen pulling down that one guy’s shorts]. And don’t get me started on that Mauricio Pochettino guy- no question he’s a great tactician, but, y’know... more like Pochettinofun, amirite? [ED. NOTE: you’re fired, clear your desk].

Below is your Theme of the Day, and below that the links.

Links

Harry Kane had a pretty excellent month all things considered, with his two goals on Saturday taking him to a total of 13 for club and country. Meanwhile, the other top four managers get their own special tribute theme of the day.

Meanwhile Fulham left-back Ryan Sessegnon has apparently been chosen as this year’s teenage sensation we’re going to look very closely at in January before going nahhhh, actually, you’re alright thanks.

Elsewhere in football...

Hey guys remember when we had arguably the league’s best full back and then we sold him to a direct rival? Well, as everyone with eyes and a central nervous system would have foreseen he’s now helping Man City take huge strides forward towards the title- as Jonathan Wilson breaks down for the Guardian.

Crystal Palace may be nicknamed the Eagles, but they’re currently looking more like a dead duck. And who wants to watch a dead duck? Not even its mother, she just flies off depressed.

Over in Serie A, Napoli smashed Cagliari to continue a run of form as astonishing as Arkadiusz Milik’s queue of Tinder matches must be, Inter forced fans of Benevento to witness a badevent-o, and Milan’s expensively-assembled new squad fell apart at the seams against Roma quicker than Spurs’ fans jeans collectively did after Kane’s second goal on Saturday.

In the Bundesliga, meanwhile, Dortmund claimed the Bosz-ting rights by securing a fourth straight win to cement their position at the top of the table as Bayern faltered again.

And finally...

A fifth-tier German side are holding auditions for a new mascot after the previous suit-wearer was banned for referee abuse. Any takers?