The Arsenal Groundhog Season: Injuries, transfer rage, over-hyped kids and bizarre capitulations

Perceived failure in the summer transfer window

Warm beer, long shadows on cricket grounds, Wimbledon…there are certain British summer traditions that many hope will never change.

One that we could all do without though is the annual hysteria that surrounds Arsenal’s transfer dealings throughout July and August.

You know the drill by now. June brings a misguided statement from the club that there is a huge transfer kitty available to Arsene Wenger should he want it.

The weeks go by and it soon becomes all too apparent that the money will not be spent, or if it is, there will still be gaping holes in the squad that have not been addressed.

This summer Wenger did a wonderful line in self-parody by ensuring Arsenal were the only team in Europe’s top five leagues not to sign a single outfield player.

Outstanding youngster has brief cameo and is the answer to all Arsenal’s problems

Another key part of Arsenal’s pre-season is a youngster looking the part in the Emirates Cup and being seen as the solution to Arsenal’s problems. For a brief moment his spontaneous brilliance even makes Arsenal fans think maybe Wenger’s right in not signing anyone: think Emmanuel Frimpong, Carlos Vela, Fran Merida and Joel Campbell, to name but three.

This summer we had Alex Iwobi and Jeff Reine-Adeleide lighting up the Emirates Cup, and all of a sudden things were going to be alright after all.

Suffice it to say neither have played a minute of competitive action so far this season.

Injury crisis

Arsenal have a remarkable ability to turn what seems like a pretty minor injury into a lengthy absence.

Previously, Thomas Vermaelen and Tomas Rosicky were both thought to be suffering insignificant ailments but missed nine and 20 months respectively.

Jack Wilshere and Danny Welbeck are currently continuing that fine tradition of being injured for considerably longer than first thought, while Rosicky himself is taking residency on the treatment table he knows so well.

Expect things to get worse before they get better, with Joel Campbell acting as the lone striker before too long.

Debate over whether Theo Walcott is a striker

“If you look at my statements I always said that one day he would play through the middle and it grew in his brain," Wenger said of Walcott.

“On the wing you need a shorter technique against the line, once you play in the middle you can go on both sides. Theo has learned a lot. Now we will sometimes play him on the flanks sometimes through the middle. I like what I have seen through the middle.”

The above are quotes from Wenger on the forward in December 2012. Three years on it’s fair to say not a great deal has changed.

Expect the debate to run and run this season.

Supporters spontaneously combust on ArsenalFanTV

Perhaps the only thing less edifying at Arsenal than the spurious transfer rumours are the preposterous meltdowns suffered by the club’s supporters on ArsenalFanTV.

If you haven’t sampled it yet, ArsenalFanTV is essentially a forum for the most opinionated and obnoxious fans to air their views. You know those people who sit behind you at games and don’t stop spouting inconsistent and baseless tripe for 90 minutes? Well now you can watch them on YouTube!

Sure enough the defeat to Chelsea saw a major disagreement between Claude and TY as to who was to blame for the defeat.

There are too many swear words in the video to share here, but rest assured Claude is as considered and methodical as usual.

Wenger is forced to defend himself after former player (probably Paul Merson) sticks the knife in

Yep, that’s happened already, and it was Merse who claimed Wenger was cheating the fans by not disclosing the extent of Welbeck’s injury.

Merson said: “[The transfer policy] cheats the fans," he said. "They think ‘what are we coming for? We turn up every week, pay the highest prices and what for - the top four? We might get a day out at Wembley again in the FA Cup.’ Wow-ee!”

Sound familiar? Last season Wenger called Merson “a joke” after he criticised the team’s defending in a ludicrous 3-3 draw with Anderlecht.

Controversial defeat at Chelsea

Losing 2-0 at Stamford Bridge after being bullied by their more physical and streetwise opponents has been a recurring nightmare for Arsenal over the last five years. The defeat two weeks ago fitted the paradigm perfectly, with the piratical Diego Costa delivering a performance of cartoonish villainy that even managed to trump the usual skulduggery on show in this fixture.

Costa’s antics almost made Arsenal supporters long for the days of Didier Drogba’s policy of standing next to Philippe Senderos and letting the good times roll.

Announce record profits, much to the fans’ chagrin

Arsenal do love trolling their supporters, and once again the club’s suits had a special aggravating tactic up their sleeve.

Not only did the club recently announce cash reserves of £193.1million, but it was revealed that for the second year running a £3m payment was made to Kroenke Sports and Entertainment (KSE), the company owned by majority shareholder Stan Kroenke.

In return for the £3m KSE provides strategic and advisory services to the club, though it is unclear what exactly that means in practice.

Hopefully Claude and the ArsenalFanTV boys can clear it up.

Set new standards for comedy capitulation

Ever since Arsenal drew 4-4 with Newcastle in February 2011 having been 4-0 up in the second half, all bets have been off when it comes to Arsenal horror shows.

Last year they drew 3-3 at home to Anderlecht after leading 3-0 with half an hour to play.

And on Tuesday, Wenger's boys were at it again, as they hit new levels of self-destruction with a dire defensive performance to lose 3-2 at home to Olympiakos. Still, at least Petr Cech had a nice rest.

What happens next?

It appears then that we’ve seen many of the Arsenal signature moves before October, but there are still more plenty of goodies to come before the end of the season.

Away win/draw raises optimism and suggests things could be different this season

Dortmund two years ago, City last season. There tends to be a game in an Arsenal campaign when suddenly all the naivety dissipates and they play like a proper football team.

In the aftermath, the club’s supporters naturally believe that maybe Wenger is changing and Arsenal will shed their flaky reputation. That optimism tends to be crushed fairly quickly by a chastening defeat.

This season that supposedly game-changing match might well come in the next couple of months – it could even be against Bayern Munich at the Allianz Arena at the beginning of November, especially as it will likely be in vain following the dreadful start to Group F.

Should Arsenal win that or even get a draw, they would have the perfect opportunity to undo all the good work in their very next away game: a trip to face Tony Pulis’s West Brom at the Hawthorns.

Premature Champions League exit

Arsenal’s consistency really is a marvel. Not only have they finished in just two positions in the last 10 Premier League seasons (third or fourth), they have also barely deviated from type in the Champions League.

For five seasons running, Arsenal have been knocked out at the last 16 stage, and in four out of five of those seasons they did so after finishing second in their group.

The most likely deviation from that pattern this season looks to be them failing to make it out of the group, which is a real possibility after losing their first two group games.

What the Emirates fans wouldn't give for a 4-0 last 16 hammering by AC Milan now.

Perceived failure in the January transfer window

If your appetite for transfer nonsense and gnashing of teeth isn't satisfied by the summer window, then never fear the January version is not far away, and it can often be just as entertaining.

It can certainly offer comedic delight where Arsenal are concerned, with the 2014 winter window being probably the best example.

Arsenal were top of the table, and by common consensus just needed a proven goalscorer to all but secure the title.

Would it be Gonzalo Higuain? Maybe Jackson Martinez? Nope. Wenger's only move of the window was to bring in Kim Kallstrom, an injured 31-year-old defensive midfielder on a short-term loan.

Another idle January window could force Arsenal fans and the internet to explode.

Defeat away at Stoke

Arsenal have won only once at the Britannia Stadium in the Premier League, and have lost on their last two visits there.

An Arsenal season wouldn't be complete with the customary defeat on a blustery wintery afternoon in the Potteries.

Home draw with Chelsea

The last two seasons have brought 0-0 draws with Chelsea at the Emirates.

There was little to suggest during last week's 2-0 defeat at Stamford Bridge that Arsenal will have any more luck in breaking down Jose Mourinho's team when the sides meet again in January.

Go on excellent run once title is very much out of reach

You can be fairly certain that Arsenal's superb annual winning sequence will happen during one of two parts of the season.

Either early on, followed by a falling away come March; or post Christmas once it's clear that there's no chance of a title challenge.

Finish third/fourth

Repeat to fade.