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That dramatic end will probably obscure what was a terrific game. City deserved to win, though Bournemouth were heroic and clever and will take a huge amount out of this game. I need a lie-down after that. Thanks for your company and emails, bye!
Full time: Bournemouth 1-2 Manchester City
In the 101st minute, Mike Dean blows the final whistle and City have won.
90+11 min There were only supposed to be five minutes of added time!
90+10 min John Stones has come on for somebody or other. Some finish this!
Raheem Sterling is sent off!
I did wonder whether this might happen. Sterling, already booked, went into the crowd after scoring and so he receives a second yellow card before Bournemouth kick off. A few of them might have gone, in truth, and Kompany and Ake should have been off earlier.
90+9 min What a finish! Before that, Mousset was booked for flattening someone. King really should have won it for Bournemouth by playing Gosling in just before that.
That is so cruel on Bournemouth. City’s players are going mad, they are all in with the crowd. It was such a scruffy goal. Danilo’s low cross from the right came to Sterling, who got it out of his feet and hit a shot that took a deflection off Surman and looped slowly, agonisingly into the corner.
GOAL! Bournemouth 1-2 Manchester City (Sterling 90+7)
City have won it!
90+6 min Bournemouth almost steal the win! King robbed Mendy and had a two v one. He should have played Gosling through but went on his own and hit a good 25-yard shot that was pushed away by the diving Ederson. King has been Bournemouth’s best player but he got that badly wrong.
90+6 min There were supposed to be five minutes of added time but there have been a few stoppages in that time so on we go. Daniels stoops to head Sane’s brilliant deep cross behind for a corner.
90+5 min Smith becomes the 87th person to be booked, and rightly so, for a bad tackle on Sane.
90+4 min The substitute Afobe is coming off. He was flattened in an aerial challenge with Kompany, and will be replaced by Lys Mousset.
90+3 min Arter does superbly to dispossess Sterling, who trips him petulantly and is booked.
90+2 min The corner is eventually taken and half cleared to Sterling, who wallops it into orbit from 25 yards. City, for all their brilliant play, have not given Begovic that much to do.
90 min City win a corner. Guardiola continues to make a bit of a fool of himself, complaining demonstratively to Eddie Howe about Bournemouth’s unsporting reluctance to play basketball against a side with significantly greater resources. Mike Dean comes over to tell both managers off.
89 min Pep Guardiola is stomping round the touchline with an affronted coupon. He knows that, on chances alone, City should have nine points rather than five.
87 min Hello, somebody’s put their tanks on Mac Millings’ lawn! It’s all going to go off now. Here’s Pjotr van Rooijen with his Ocean’s XI.
- David Seaman
- Jordi Albacore
- Sole Campbell
- Prawn Terry
- Goby Alderweireld
- Cod Makelele
- Sea Bream Affelay
- Shark Ji-Sung
- Eric Canned Tuna
- Gareth Whale
- Salmon Kalou
Subs: Pike Smalling, Bobby Remora, Dory Delap, Angler Di Maria, Tuna Koné.
Manager: Harry Red Snapper
Assistant: Garry Monkfish
Match Report: Squid Lowe.”
86 min ... and Aguero curls it well wide. Begovic waved it away. He’s had an excellent game. There haven’t been any spectacular saves, but he’s made a lot of solid stops and looked calm throughout.
86 min Sterling makes an electric diagonal run from the right and is brought down by Arter, who is booked. City have a free-kick 22 yards from goal...
84 min Mendy’s low cross is shinned across his own area by Ake, and David Silva sidefoots it into orbit from 10 yards. The challenge of Daniels did just enough to put him off.
83 min Pep Guardiola is having another fierce go at the fourth official.
82 min The superb Gabriel Jesus is coming off, to be replaced by Leroy Sane.
80 min “Continuing your fishy riff, I remember an FA Cup match at Anfield in 1980 when Grimsby Town were the visitors,” says Simon Gill. “Once victory was assured (the Reds won 5-0) the crowd entertained themselves with fishy paeans to the Liverpool team - I remember Phil Eel and Kenny Dogfish, but there must have been plenty of others too.”
79 min Mendy is booked for a cynical foul on King, who had made another of his effective solo counter-attacks.
78 min Bournemouth are hanging on now, as they were at the end of the first half. Danilo’s dangerous low cross into the six-yard area is beaten away excellently by the diving Begovic.
77 min “What a player this boy is, honestly,” enthuses Alan Smith after another piece of skill from Jesus. He’s still only 20.
76 min Steve Cook is booked for a late tackle on Jesus.
75 min Otamendi hits the post! De Bruyne’s dipping corner from the left found him weirdly unmarked onto the six-yard line. He strained his neck muscles to produce a downward header back across goal, and it bounced up to hit the post with Begovic unmoved.
74 min “Millings’ sterling work (as always) put me in mind of the period where Charlton’s back four were Young, Fish, Costa, Fortune,” says Matt Dony. “Simple things, and all that...”
It’s what Millings would have wanted.
73 min A Bournemouth change: Jermain Defoe is replaced by Benik Afobe.
72 min Fernandinho shuffles smartly away from Gosling, 25 yards out, and hits a fierce low shot that is smartly saved by Begovic. Moments later, Daniels’ tackle on Sterling divers the ball to Aguero, whose low shot from 15 yards is too close to Begovic. That was a good chance.
71 min “How could Mac Millings omit Mark Fish from his all-time Fish XI?!” sniffs Alex Khadivi.
70 min City come again in this superb match, enjoying a long spell of possession. The better Bournemouth play, the more you feel the match has late heartbreak written all over it.
69 min City are annoyed again when Mike Dean rejects a penalty appeal. Aguero went down after a collision with Smith. That’s all it was, a collision. If anything it was a foul by Aguero.
68 min Otamendi is booked for doing something nasty to Defoe. At the moment, Bournemouth look the likelier scorers.
67 min Kompany, who has been booked, is lucky that Mike Dean doesn’t spot him shoving Defoe over off the ball. That’s 1-1 in the red-cards-that-weren’t stakes.
67 min “‘What kind of barbaric dystopia is this, Michael?’” says Hubert O’Hearn. “Thank you for that Rob! I’d give anything for an actual footballer to say similar in a post-match interview. ‘’I have recaptured something of the verdant rapacity of my youth,’ said Wayne Rooney on Match of the Day...””
Where are the YouTube clips of Jorge Valdano’s post-match interviews when you need them?
66 min A Manchester City substitution: Sergio Aguero replaces Bernardo Silva. It looks like City will play a 4-1-3-2 now.
63 min This has been a cracking game, and Bournemouth are starting to threaten again. Defoe takes Surman’s pass in his stride and almost wriggles away from the last man Otamendi.
61 min Josh King hits the post! Fernandino was robbed in a dangerous area by a combination of Arter and Daniels. Arter crossed to low to King, who curled a first-time effort with his left effort from just inside the area. Ederson didn’t move and it smacked off the face of the post.
60 min A brief lull allows us to turn our attention to more important matters: it’s a new Mac Millings XI!
“Wotcha, Rob,” says Mac. “You want an All-Time Fish XI?
- Bert Troutmann
- Jody Haddock
- Herring Berg
- Johnny Metcod
- Gareth Barrycuda
- Stingray Parlour
- Marlin Skrtel
- Leandro Batuna
- Nii Lamprey
- Basstian Schweinsteiger
- Zinsardine Zidanchovy
58 min A training-ground free-kick from Bournemouth almost leads to a goal - for City. They made a complete mess of it, and City break down the left through De Bruyne. His low cross went across the face of goal and deflected just behind Bernardo Silva.
57 min David Silva has been booked as well, presumably for complaining about some of Mike Dean’s decisions.
56 min King breaks menacingly and is invited to challenge gravity by Kompany, who is booked. King has been excellent today.
55 min Sterling’s snapshot is blocked by one of a posse of Bournemouth defenders. City have settled into a nice passing rhythm, albeit thus far without the incessant menace of the 20 minutes before half-time.
53 min Bernardo Silva has been the least effective of City’s attackers, so they may look to replace him if it stays 1-1. You’d expect him to need a little time to settle in This League™. Most delicate attackers do, which makes Jesus’s explosive start even more impressive.
51 min Cook takes the ball and then flattens Jesus with his follow through. David Silva looks to the referee Mike Dean as if to say, ‘What kind of barbaric dystopia is this, Michael?’ He gives a throw-in.
49 min City break dangerously through Sterling. He doesn’t pick the wrong pass; he doesn’t pick any pass, running the ball straight out of play.
48 min King makes a fine run down the right and crosses towards Defoe. Kompany stretches to make an important clearance.
46 min Peep peep! City begin the second half.
Half time: Bournemouth 1-1 Manchester City
Peep peep! That was excellent entertainment from two attacking teams. Charlie Daniels gave Bournemouth the lead with an authentic Goal of the Season contender; Gabriel Jesus’s excellent equaliser came against the run of play and altered the run of play. From the moment City equalised they were pretty awesome, and could easily be ahead. See you in 10 minutes for the second half.
45 min Ake is playing on, until half-time at least.
44 min Jesus, on the right of the box, backheels the ball into the path of Fernandinho. He hits a rasping rising shot from a tight angle that almost knocks Begovic off his feet as he beats it away, and eventually Bournemouth manage to clear. Bournemouth will be very pleased if they get to half-time at 1-1 because they have subject to a furious interrogation for the last 25 minutes.
41 min This doesn’t look good for Ake. His right leg got stuck as he stretched to clear with his left. I’m not sure he’ll be able to carry on.
40 min Ake is down injured, possibly with twisted blood, and there’s a break in play.
39 min “Romario, Ronaldo & Ronaldinho also loved the oft derided toe bung,” says Niall Mullen. “Is it fair to say that rather than a rabona or rainbow flick that this is the true Brazilian art form?”
Good point. Yet when Mick Harford toebunged one into Row Y it was “primitive”. Typical cultural cringe.
38 min “Is Mike Dean Jasper Carrott’s love child?” asks Steve, who has a point.
37 min Ake makes an excellent defensive header from Mendy’s dangerous cross.