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Tottenham found themselves in the group of maximal difficulty with Real Madrid, while Juventus will face Barcelona

 Updated 
Thu 24 Aug 2017 13.25 EDTFirst published on Thu 24 Aug 2017 10.30 EDT
Champions League group stage draw in full – video report

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Deja vu dept: Manchester United were in the same Champions League group as Benfica, Basel and one other – Otelul Galati on that occasion – back in 2011-12. They came third, and were dumped into the Europa League.

So of the British clubs, Liverpool and the two Manchester sides should feel pretty chuffed, Tottenham will be cursing and Celtic were always going to be in for a rocky ride.

The fruits of my mathematical labour – all Champions League groups ranked by the combined Uefa coefficient of the teams involved to produce your handy cut-out-and-keep groupofdeathometer:

  1. Group H: Real Madrid, Borussia Dortmund, Tottenham, Apoel Nicosia 405.3
  2. Group D: Juventus, Barcelona, Olympiakos, Sporting Clube de Portugal 394.111
  3. Group B: Bayern Munich, Paris St-Germain, Anderlecht, Celtic 382.857
  4. Group A: Benfica, Manchester United, Basel, CSKA Moscow 321.069
  5. Group C: Chelsea, Atlético Madrid, Roma, Qarabag 320.907
  6. Group F: Shakhtar Donetsk, Manchester City, Napoli, Feyenoord 299.596
  7. Group G: Monaco, Porto, Besiktas, Leipzig 222.938
  8. Group E: Spartak Moscow, Sevilla, Liverpool, Maribor 208.922

“Every year, the same challenge – to win everything, if it’s possible,” says Ronaldo. “In my club, in my national team. I’m so glad to be here, honoured to win this trophy again. I have to say thankyou for my team-mates. For the national team too – I know it’s not a trophy for the national team, but when I go to my national team they always give me motivation to carry on all the time. I’m so glad and so happy, thank you everyone.”

I have to say she was excellent when I saw her at the Euros, on which scant evidence I’m going to declare this a very deserved award. “It’s so amazing,” she says. “It’s a big honour. I’m really proud but of course without my team-mates I couldn’t achieve this. I’m speechless. I’m really happy.”

They interviewed the women too, and Lionel Messi, but I was busy trying to do some maths. “To achieve 100 goals in the Champions League was a dream,” Ronaldo says. “I’m really blessed and so happy to be here one more year.”

“To play for an amazing team like Juventus gives you a big motivation,” says Buffon. “You can think that every goal is possible. If you continue to nominate me for this award for me it’s more difficult to say stop.”

And also the men’s award, which will go either to Gianluigi Buffon, Cristiano Ronaldo or Lionel Messi.

The night is still young, though – the women’s player of the year award is about to be handed out. Pernille Harder, Dzsenifer Marozsán and Lieke Martens are the nominees.

Your Champions League group stage draw in full!

Group A: Benfica, Manchester United, Basel, CSKA Moscow
Group B: Bayern Munich, Paris St-Germain, Anderlecht, Celtic
Group C: Chelsea, Atlético Madrid, Roma, Qarabag
Group D: Juventus, Barcelona, Olympiakos, Sporting Clube de Portugal
Group E: Spartak Moscow, Sevilla, Liverpool, Maribor
Group F: Shakhtar Donetsk, Manchester City, Napoli, Feyenoord
Group G: Monaco, Porto, Besiktas, Leipzig
Group H: Real Madrid, Borussia Dortmund, Tottenham, Apoel Nicosia

Maribor are drawn, and allocated Liverpool’s Group E:

Group E: Spartak Moscow, Sevilla, Liverpool, Maribor

Which means that Apoel Nicosia have no choice but to squeeze uncomfortably into Group H:

Group H: Real Madrid, Borussia Dortmund, Tottenham, Apoel Nicosia

CSKA Moscow’s name is next, and they have to go in a Red Group, and the only one of those with space for them is Manchester United’s Group A:

Group A: Benfica, Manchester United, Basel, CSKA Moscow

Celtic’s number comes up, and they will be in Group B:

Group B: Bayern Munich, Paris St-Germain, Anderlecht, Celtic

Another group gets completed – Sporting will sit in Group D:

Group D: Juventus, Barcelona, Olympiakos, Sporting Clube de Portugal

Meanwhile Manchester City’s Group F is padded out with Feyenoord.

Group F: Shakhtar Donetsk, Manchester City, Napoli, Feyenoord

Chelsea’s Group C gets its coup de grâce, and it’s Qarabag!

Group C: Chelsea, Atlético Madrid, Roma, Qarabag

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First out of the final hat is Leipzig, who go into Group G – the Group of Life and Laughter and Rainbows and Butterflies – with Monaco, Porto and Besiktas.

The groups as they stand:

Group A: Benfica, Manchester United, Basel
Group B: Bayern Munich, Paris St-Germain, Anderlecht
Group C: Chelsea, Atlético Madrid, Roma
Group D: Juventus, Barcelona, Olympiakos
Group E: Spartak Moscow, Sevilla, Liverpool
Group F: Shakhtar Donetsk, Manchester City, Napoli
Group G: Monaco, Porto, Besiktas
Group H: Real Madrid, Borussia Dortmund, Tottenham

“To reach this magnitude of trophies it’s hard work and dedication,” says Ronaldo. “I play in an amazing team and for me it’s always motivation to play. I love to play, to score goals, to win trophies – collective and individual too. I’m blessed. I’m so happy to be here again. I’m so happy right now.”

Olympiakos are out next and forced into Group D with Juventus and Barcelona, meaning that Napoli head into Manchester City’s Group F, with Shakhtar Donetsk!

Next Totti plucks out Roma’s shiny little ball, and they head into Group C with Chelsea and Atlético Madrid!

Anderlecht are first out of this plastic hat, and they are deposited in Group B with Bayern Munich and Paris St-Germain.

Totti, winningly, found the act of pairing Juventus with Barcelona absolutely hilarious. Anyway, that’s Pot Two done with, which can only mean it’s time to give away the Champions League midfielder of the season award to Luka Modric. He doesn’t smile.

Group of Death alert! All of that draw-making means there’s nowhere for Barcelona to go except in Group D with Juventus!

Then Sevilla join Spartak Moscow in Group E, and Borussia Dortmund head into Group H with Real Madrid.

@Simon_Burnton Yo - do we know if which colour means Tues night and (i'm guessing the other) which Wed?

— Gary Wells (@Sir_GD_Wells) August 24, 2017

All groups play sometimes on Tuesdays and sometimes on Wednesdays, but always on the same day as other groups of the same colour.

Paris St-Germain come out, and because of Monaco’s draw they can only be in groups B (with Bayern Munich) or D (with Juventus), which is a pretty tough spot for them to be in. They go in Group B!

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