So we begin the cycle again.

Will this week be different?

Are the players ready to show some desire?

Is Ronald Koeman aware of what positions the members of his team play?

To be honest, it’s not just frustrating to be an Everton fan right now, it’s disheartening.

The thing about all of those ‘boring’ years with Moyes was that the identity of the team was clear.

Home or away, Everton were going to show up, work their butts off, and make their opponent EARN any points they want to leave with.

Now?

Not so much.

Everton now exist in an alternate dimension where the players apparently believe that showing up is good enough for at least 7th, and our manager decides ahead of time which matches are ok to lose and which ones are supposed to be wins.

However, even when we don’t win the matches we SHOULD against NEWLY PROMOTED SIDES.. Koeman doesn’t exactly call the players to the floor.

“We played well for parts of the match??”

Like for 5 minutes???

Or a half?

All the players??

It doesn’t matter!!!

We F*#$ing BARELY drew Brighton!!

I will not use this space to call for Koeman’s head, but based on purely objective measures, the Dutchman has to improve, and quickly.

The players are certainly responsible for their share of failings, but Koeman’s lack of tactical adjustments have moved past professional self-confidence and into the stratosphere of dereliction of duty.

I suppose we can hope that things will change this week against Lyon and Arsenal, but.....

To your questions!

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At first, I thought perhaps the board was just being incredibly stubborn and didn’t want to admit their mistake(s), but I figured I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt......

Then I thought MAYBE they truly thought Koeman had a grand plan to turn things around.....but anyone watching knows the Dutchman is running out of ideas....

So what could be it be???

WAIT!!

I’VE GOT IT!!

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When the guy designing your stadium thinks it bad...you know it’s bad

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At least we point in unison??

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I know he probably isn’t going to be recalled in January but......

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This is a fantastic question.

My first thought was to clone an attacker.

But having more players who can’t score doesn’t make things any better....

So onto the midfield.

Who could the Toffees use two of?

If we clone Gana there won’t be enough ground to cover between the two of them .

Tom Davies is a good idea, but he is already positionally ambiguous when there is only one of him, so having two won’t help.

Two Morgan Schneiderlins would help shield the back four get Everton relegated.

(He is playing terribly...though a balanced team would help him tremendously).

Two Besics would be dangerous, and another Gylfi in Koeman’s squad would mean we would probably see an Icelandic left-back.

That leaves the defense.

Mason Holg.....

There is certainly an argument for Leighton Baines, but the last thing Everton need is another option at right back. (COME BACK SEAMUS!!!)

Two Jordan Pickford’s would be nice (he is really good), but not practical.

That leaves center back.

If we could time travel back a decade, copy Phil Jagielka, and bring that clone back then that would be useful. Otherwise, while servicable, Jags isn’t someone I want to see ANOTHER one of on the field.

We COULD clone Ashley Williams, but only so that they could take each other out and prevent each other from playing.

That leaves our (fairly obvious) winner:

Photo by Jan Kruger/Getty Images

MICHAEL KEANE!!

If we could copy the English defender and pair him up with himself, the Toffees would be MUCH better. His speed (and defensive abilities!) would allow Leighton Baines a bit more freedom, as well as allowing the midfield to press higher with the knowledge the coverage behind them is much better.

Plus....Ashley Williams would be off the field no matter what!!!

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Ademola lives!!!!

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At least we aren’t terrible at Goodison??

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TOFFEES TUNES

Boy and Bear : Limit of Love

An oldie but a goodie. This album, unlike our beloved Toffees, hits the ground running and doesn’t stop. The beats are solid and the lyrics are worth paying attention to.

Settling into the malaise of this campaign? This is the album for you.

Favorite Track: Walk the Wire

Dirty Heads : Swim Team

To be honest, I am always hit-or-miss with the Dirty Heads. Their talent is undeniable but they have a tendency to wander into weirdom that even I can’t follow them to.

This album is different though, and brings a great balance between the Heads ability to spin lyrics and their groovy beats.

Need to fill your head with something besides sadness over the plight of the Toffees?

This album will get into every corner of your brain and give you some reprieve.

FAVORITE TRACK: Staloney

Roadkill Ghost Choir : In Tongues

Currently on repeat, this album is amazing.

Roadkill put together an album that rocks out but never loses touch with the audience.

Just hit play.

No matter how you feel about Everton this album will make your day that much better.

FAVORITE TRACK: A Blow to the Head