So Romelu Lukaku will most likely be showcasing his silky first touch at Manchester United next season. This being the case, expect blistering hot steam to whistle a-plenty from the facial apertures of long-time admirer Antonio Conte, making him wonder whether it’s worth hanging around in his current job much longer. With Diego Costa already for the off and Chelsea light up front, a crisis looms at Stamford Bridge. The purchase of Real Madrid’s Álvaro Morata and Swansea’s Fernando Llorente may avert it. It may not.
Or maybe Chelsea will see United’s bid for Lukaku and raise it to £100m or so, in which case disregard the previous paragraph, and let’s all have a wee think about the direction modern football is taking.
£100m!
Whichever way that goes, Everton will need to replace their main source of goals, or all this big talk about their brilliant transfer window may begin to look a little premature. Olivier Giroud had already been mentioned in dispatches, but now it seems he’s off to Marseille. Creaking old Wayne Rooney may have to do, though any deal with Manchester United would be completely separate to any Lukaku business, so some hard talking still needs to be done.
Everton are also in for Gylfi Sigurdsson, even though Swansea want £32m at the very least. Hey, no bother, they’re good for a few quid.
Elsewhere on Merseyside, Liverpool are showing an interest in exciting young Leicester City winger Demarai Gray. If their historic pursuit of Dele Alli is any guide, expect them to prepare a bid well under the asking price, dither over the extra 17p that would seal the deal, then watch in impotent horror as Tottenham Hotspur make off with the quarry.
The aforementioned Olivier Giroud isn’t the only player likely to leave Arsenal this season. He’ll be followed out the door by Alexis Sánchez, who has long lost patience plying his trade at a club which flatters to deceive. That’ll explain his desire to chip off to Internazionale, then.
Sunderland want West Ham winger Robert Snodgrass, who should have stuck it out a bit longer at Hull in retrospect.
Stoke City are in for Manchester City midfielder Fabien Delph, who should have stuck it out a bit longer at Aston Villa in retrospect.
And making the opposite trip, sort of, nearly: Jack Butland, who is mulling over a bid from Manchester United. There’s no David de Gea rumour today, but give it time, something is bound to crop up soon enough.