With White Hart Lane closed for renovations, Tottenham Hotspur have had second thoughts about hosting matches at Wembley for a season and are thinking instead about taking a sabbatical from football. Untrustworthy sources say there is listless debate within the club about whether everyone should spend their gap year travelling the world as a squad or whether each individual should be allowed to go find himself in his own way. Dele Alli is rumoured to be keen on devoting several months to quiet contemplation in a Tibetan monastery while Vincent Janssen has his heart set on exploring Bouvet, an uninhabited subantarctic outpost considered to be the world’s remotest island, where penguins and petrels are left alone to breed and no one gives a hoot about dreadful goalscoring records.
Meanwhile, several clubs are banging on Spurs’ door in the hope that the “Closed for Business” sign is some kind of joke. Manchester United are banging loudest because Ed Woodward dare not face José Mourinho again without Eric Dier, says the Star, especially as Fabinho is now leaning towards staying at Monaco until Atlético Madrid are allowed to bring him in. But West Bromwich Albion are knocking on Spurs’ door, too, because they want to reintroduce Kevin Wimmer to competitive football. And then, of course, there’s Pep Guardiola, who doesn’t really do banging or knocking, so is instead working on a lace doily representation of Kyle Walker’s face, to be slipped under Spurs’ door as a reminder of Manchester City’s admiration for the full-back. It is hard to say, however, whether Spurs are aware of any of this, or even whether they are awake.
Meanwhile, at Old Trafford, Mourinho is sending Woodward regular reminders that the stopwatch is running and that, after Dier, someone from United has to hightail it over to Internazionale to wrap up a deal for the Croatian winger Ivan Perisic.
Wrap up a deal? “Now there’s an idea,” thought Antonio Conte wistfully but the manager may soon feel a lot more upbeat because Chelsea are on the brink of completing the transfer of Tiémoué Bakayoko. Granted they’ve been on the brink of that for several weeks now but there really could be movement soon, with several people supposedly in the know saying the midfielder does not, in fact, require a knee operation, so the deal can go right on ahead.
Virgil van Dijk is said to be still very keen on joining Liverpool but, having been chastised by Southampton, the club will not make another approach for him until the redness on their cheeks abates. Arsenal spy an opportunity and Arsène Wenger wants to make a move for the Dutchman. And in a further blow to Liverpool, Wenger is confident that Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain will stay at Arsenal after all. But Liverpool can have Mathieu Debuchy if they want him. The French full-back is available for free. Look up there! Is it a bird? No. Is it a plane? Yes, actually, and it’s trailing a banner saying WON’T SOMEONE PLEASE TAKE MATHIEU DEBUCHY?
Liverpool are interested in signing Leicester City’s Demarai Gray, who is also being eyed up by Everton. Manchester City have their sights set on the Real Sociedad centre-back Iñigo Martínez.
Newcastle United like the look of PSG’s out-of-favour goalkeeper Alphonse Areola. They are also chasing the Norwich City winger Jacob Murphy. And Rafael Benítez has also got it into his head that he can get something into the head of Jesús Navas.