Wayne Rooney is on his way back to Everton. It’s the most romantic of stories, setting aside the bit about him swanning off for the more showy club down the road at the first opportunity, spending his golden years with them, and only coming back when said club don’t want him any more now he’s going bald and slowing up. Everton also might not be able to stump up the cash for the wages Rooney is demanding to return. It’s not exactly Mills & Boon, is it, never mind Jane Austen.
Manchester United will replace their outgoing record goalscorer with fresh meat in the shape of Torino striker Andrea Belotti and Real Madrid’s Álvaro Morata. They’ll table £87m for the former, £60m for the latter, though Real want another £20m on top of that. Some good news for United, though: superstar junkies Real aren’t that interested in spending huge sums on David de Gea any more, presumably working on the logic that everyone remembers Puskas, Gento and Di Stéfano, but who can name Rogelio Domínguez these days?
Chelsea, snubbed by Virgil van Dijk in favour of Liverpool, have just about stopped laughing very hard about Liverpool snubbing Van Dijk, and slapped a cash plus Nemanja Matic offer on the Juventus boardroom table. They want Leonardo Bonucci in return.
They’re also dangling a £150,000-a-week carrot in front of Everton striker Romelu Lukaku, with the big man reported as being very interested. No huge dissimilarities between this and the Van Dijk affair, really, when you boil the bones down, other than the small fact Chelsea haven’t started needlessly banging on about it yet.
Oh Liverpool!
Speaking of clubs going about their business in a cack-handed manner, Arsenal have made a bid for James Rodríguez. Real Madrid want £68.9m, so the Gunners have reportedly and pointedly offered an unspecified sum below that. Given their recent track record of being awkward just for the sake of it, £68,899,999 is the ballpark figure we’re guessing. Does bidding low ever bear fruit?
Tottenham Hotspur want £15m Borussia Dortmund defender Matthias Ginter. Speaking of BVB, those famous developers of hungry young talent ... this thing about buying Mario Balotelli ... erm ... y’what?
Finally, some assorted other news. West Bromwich Albion are interested in Hull midfielder Tom Huddlestone and Le Havre full-back Ferland Mendy. Crystal Palace, Brighton & Hove Albion and Birmingham City are also looking at the latter. Fabian Delph wants out of Manchester City. Barcelona are preparing a £40m swoop for Arsenal defender Héctor Bellerín. And it’s only a matter of time before Southampton sack their manager Claude Puel, who five months ago led the club to their first major final in 38 years. Yep, romance is dead all right.