Right, I’m off. It’s been unforgettable. If you haven’t watched the match, and haven’t read enough about it, here’s Paul Wilson’s match report to sate your appetite:
Amid credible scenes at Turf Moor on a night when some people played football, Burnley scored a goal and Newcastle didn’t
Updated
Mon 30 Oct 2017 18.04 EDT
First published on Mon 30 Oct 2017 15.00 EDT
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Key events
Jack Cork, the official man of the match, talks:
We knew it was always going to be a tough game. They’re an organised team now. But we had a good shape, worked hard and we got rewards for it. We knew they did take risks at times, and we know at home we can nick it and maybe get something. That’s where the goal came from. It was definitely something we looked at before. You can see we’re a team evolving and a team doing well. [Sean Dyche] has been great for me. He’s a man who just wants everything from you. He wants hard work and honesty at all times. It’s good. Nice, relaxed and a good atmosphere to be in.
Goatee latest: the post-match ad for Barber Club by L’Oreal – “beard care made simple” – was surely not coincidental.
Burnley go seventh while Newcastle drop to ninth, the two clubs thus representing the bread in a Watford sandwich.
Final score: Burnley 1-0 Newcastle
90+4 mins: And that is very much that.
90+3 mins: The corner is headed clear, Elliot sprints back again, Shelvey re-crosses and Manquillo’s flicked header loops over the bar.
90+3 mins: Pope makes another save! Hayden drives the ball at goal from 25 yards, and Pope has to turn it round the post. Elliot comes up for the corner...
90+1 mins: But for that Perez 20-yarder that Pope saved, at no stage have Newcastle looked remotely like actually scoring. “Players A, B and C sound a lot like X, Y and Z whom I used to play with. But that was a long time ago, on the local park,” writes Geoff.
90+1 mins: There will be something in the region of three minutes of stoppage time.
89 mins: Moments later, Barnes (I think) has another shot when slightly off balance, which goes 30 yards in the air and 25 yards in the wrong direction.
89 mins: Burnley string four passes together and are rewarded with a fine, low shot from Barnes that Elliot saves.
86 mins: Shelvey, from 20 yards, hits a low, hard shot straight at Pope.
85 mins: Player A hits a random ball forward, player B heads it away, player C heads it back to player B, player B heads it back to player C again, and player C overhits a pass forward.
83 mins: Newcastle’s final change involves Dwight Gayle coming on for Diame.
82 mins: Ooooh! Yedlin passes to Joselu, just outside the area, whose shot goes through Tarkowski’s legs and just wide.
81 mins: Newcastle work the ball about for a bit, finally getting it to Murphy on the right, who lets it dribble tamely into touch.
79 mins: A second change for Newcastle, for whom Jacob Murphy replaces Ritchie.
77 mins: The thing is, I watched Stoke on Saturday and my football-entertainment-bar is now set extraordinarily low.
@Simon_Burnton It sounds as though you're being quite well entertained by a quite poor game. I've been there too but how does that work?
— Flatpack Jersey (@Flatpack_Jersey) October 30, 2017
76 mins: And Burnley bring Ashley Westwood on and take Defour off.
76 mins: Newcastle, in response, bring Isaac Hayden on for Ayoze Perez.
GOAL! Burnley 1-0 Newcastle (Hendrick, 74 mins)
74 mins: Cork bursts into the box and shoots low, but Elliot pushes it wide to Gudmundsson, whose cross finds Hendrick all alone at the back post, and he brings the ball down and boshes it in.
A GOAL! THERE'S BEEN A SHOT AND IT'S GONE IN!
74 mins: Do not adjust your sets.
72 mins: I don’t think anyone has kicked the ball in the direction they were intending to kick it for at least two minutes. Burnley pushed forward; Yedlin won the ball back nicely but then a very poor touch gave it away; Burnley pushed again; a cross was headed to Cork; and his shot was very clearly and emphatically deflected well wide. The referee, brain addled by all this nonsense, gave a goal kick.
70 mins: I wouldn’t describe what Burnley are doing currently as pressure exactly, but they are having the better of things.
69 mins: Defour has a shot from range, which should please the fans, but it hits a defender and flies wide.
66 mins: Lascelles cynically halts a Burnley attack with a foul in midfield, but does it so well he avoids a booking. “What would Mike Dean look like with a beard? I don’t have the best imagination so I can’t picture it,” ponders JR in Illinois. “Another thing I can’t picture is a goal being scored in this game.” A bit like this, perhaps? He looks a bit Ed Harrisy to me. And a bit Jasper Carrotty.
63 mins: Cork tugs Ritchie by an arm inside the centre circle and gets booked for his troubles.
58 mins: “My main observation (and I hoped this helps) is that it would be a help to Burnley if Hendrick would stop being off-side,” suggests Ian Copestake. Yes, this would probably be handy.
56 mins: The injury was followed by a couple of minutes of awkward passing about by Newcastle, who didn’t seem to want to put the ball out of play but at the same time couldn’t actually attack because one of their players was very much offside, lying down in the middle of goal, six yards out. Eventually the referee called a halt to the charade, so they’ll restart, perhaps appropriately, with a dropped ball.
55 mins: Joselu tries to close down Pope as the Burnley goalkeeper dallies on the ball. Eventually Pope pulls back his right foot, launches the ball up-field and, in his follow through, whacks the rushing Joselu in the knackers. Now that’s got to hurt.
52 mins: Another save! No diving this time, mind. Burnley hoist a free-kick into the area and Tarkowski runs onto it at the far post and heads powerfully at goal, but straight at Elliot.
50 mins: A goalkeeper has had to dive! Perez’s curling shot from 20 yards was heading inside the far post, but Pope dived to his left to push it wide! Incredible scenes!
48 mins: Burnley are on the front foot. Defour intercepts a clearance, ignores the fans’ pleas for him to shoot – from fully 40 yards – and instead chips the ball into the penalty area, where Hendrick is offside.
46 mins: Newcastle get it started.
I haven’t got a lot to say about the fist half, but fret not – we’re about to get the second one!
Half time: Burnley 0-0 Newcastle
45+2 mins: Not a terrible half, but certainly not a good one. Both teams are trying to attack, they’re just not doing it very well.
45+1 mins: There will be one minute of first-half stoppage time.
45 mins: A booking! Gudmundsson gets cautioned for pulling the shirt of the other team’s No17, Perez.
44 mins: Newcastle keep the ball for a while, playing it around quite nicely really. Eventually they work it to Yedlin on the right, whose cross goes straight to Pope.
41 mins: The ball drops to Atsu, just inside the penalty area, but his low shot is driven straight into Lowton.
39 mins: “It really annoys me when teams change unnecessarily into Away kit (viz Chelsea on Saturday and a million others),” writes Neil Truby. “But not as much as when they don’t. The teams tonight are indistinguishable on what passes for Sky normal definition here in rural Somerset.” Really? I don’t like kits with stripes on the back – it makes it very hard to read names and numbers – but black shorts and socks can be quite easily distinguished from light blue shorts and socks on my TV.
36 mins: Ritchie’s ball to Perez looks momentarily interesting, at least until the linesman raises his flag. Replays show he actually wasn’t offside, but Pope would have got to the ball first.