A lazy, limp, half-hearted and half-witted Everton were outclassed and embarrassed by Atalanta
Thu 14 Sep 2017 15.04 EDT
First published on Thu 14 Sep 2017 12.15 EDTLive feed
And with that, I’m off. It was, well, terrible from Everton, but also inspiring from Atalanta, a rebuilt team playing their first European fixture for a quarter of a century 150 miles from home. They will, on this evidence, be making another killing in the transfer market come January/July. Thanks for joining me. Bye!
Koeman signs off, with a word on Everton’s opening fixtures. He really laid into himself there, but I dare say he’ll have had a angry words for others as well.
We knew. We knew from the beginning of July that the start of the season was really tough. OK, we need to accept it. That’s not the problem. The problem is what we showed in the first half.
More Koeman rage:
Of course we need to have a little bit more patience. But on the other side, everybody can do their maximum for a good result. But once again, it’s not the time and not the place to criticise the players. I need to criticise myself, because the team was not prepared for this tonight. We showed eight times clips of the play of Gomez, he’s right-footed from the left, and he still got a free shot. That’s the individual quality from one player. The whole team of Atalanta was much better prepared than us today, and once again, that’s the manager.
Ronald Koeman fumes on TV:
A lot went wrong. Except maybe after a difficult start maybe 10 minutes, that we had the ball a bit better. But OK, ball possession was poor, but the most painful was in the first half. They showed more aggression, they showed more passion. And that’s really painful, because in my opinion it starts with that and they you need qualities on the ball. I asked myself what I’m doing wrong, about the second half against Tottenham and the first half here. It’s not the way I like to see my team. The commitment, the passion, what they showed in the first half was much bigger than we showed.
Chelsea 2-0 Everton; Everton 0-3 Tottenham; Atalanta 3-0 Everton. That’s a grim run of results, and with a visit to Old Trafford to come on Sunday it doesn’t get any easier (actually it does: they then have successive home games against Sunderland in the League Cup, Bournemouth, Limassol and Burnley, followed by a visit to Brighton).
Elsewhere in Group E: Lyon have blown a lead at Apollon Limassol, who scored an equaliser deep into stoppage time to make the final score 1-1. Read all about it here:
Final score: Atalanta 3-0 Everton
90+3 mins: It’s over. Everton weren’t just woefully inept today, they were lazy. Grumpy, sleepy and dopey – they were three of the seven dwarfs, and after this they have roughly the same international stature.
90+2 mins: There will be three minutes or so of second-half stoppage time. Everton’s torture is almost over.
90+1 mins: Mirallas plays in Holgate, whose first touch is good and whose second, a left-foot shot, goes behind off Rafael Toloi. The referee gives a goal kick.
89 mins: Keane, 40 yards out, hits a rubbish and wildly ambitious shot miles over the bar.
88 mins: Atalanta break, Gomez feeds Cornelius, and he could have done a bit better than hit a low shot that Stekelenburg saves. Decent chance.
87 mins: Sandro gets the ball on the left, spins and then spears a rubbish and wildly ambitious shot straight to Berisha.
85 mins: Kurtic’s low shot is blocked by Besic. “I’d just like to add that Glenn Strömberg also does a lot of TV punditry,” writes Ed Rostron, “and we once received a free copy of his Italian cookbook, which features lots of Swedish footballers who played in Italy choosing their favourite Italian meals. The bolognese recipe is excellent.” Here’s some more Strömberg-related reading:
84 mins: The match is being played at half pace, but that just means Atalanta are attacking in slow motion. Gomez lifts the ball into the box but it’s just too far ahead of Cornelius.
82 mins: The last of the substitutions. Cristante goes off, and Jasmin Kurtic comes on.
81 mins: Everton have stopped doing a bit better, and Atalanta are once again dominating. Meanwhile, pick this out of the net.
79 mins: Another substitution. Andreas Cornelius comes on and Andrea Petagna, who has been phenomenal, comes off.
78 mins: Gomez lifts the ball into the penalty area, where Petagna runs on to it and is in the process of swinging his left foot when Jagielka steals the ball away. “I’m not an Everton fan and am not English but Everton are even embarrassing me,” writes JR. “The hell is going on over there? Seventh place might be up for grabs this season.”
76 mins: Besic biffs a 40-yard shot high, and both teams make a substitution. Everton bring Mirallas on for Calvert-Lewin, and Atalanta bring Mattia Caldara on for Masiello.
75 mins: Everton have been doing a bit better of late, though mainly because Atalanta are suffering from threenilupitis. The visitors have had a bit more possession, but haven’t done a lot with it.
74 mins: If you’re wondering what Glenn Stromberg, the big Swede standing next to Caniggia in the photo I used earlier, is up to these days, here’s the answer: he’s watching this game in a pub.
70 mins: A break in play while Masiello is treated for a jarred knee.
66 mins: A double substitution for Everton, who take off Rooney and Schneiderlin and bring on Klaassen and Ramírez.
65 mins: If you’re hanging about waiting to watch the Arsenal game, prepare to hang about a bit longer – kick-off has been delayed by an hour to give them time to work out what to do about all the ticketless away fans who are outside and don’t want to be.
63 mins: A disgruntled Sigurdsson, who has achieved nothing all night, executes a sulky late challenge from behind that brings an inevitable yellow card.
62 mins: Hateboer cuts in from the right, Baines falls over in astonishment, and the Dutchman’s shot with the outside of his right foot is blocked by Jagielka.
60 mins: Here’s a great picture of Rooney which pretty much sums up Everton’s night so far.
57 mins: Atalanta hit the bar! They attack down the right, the ball is passed to Petagna, and he holds it, waits, and then lays it into the path of Freuler, whose shot beats Stekelenburg for pace but is just too high!
56 mins: Everton win a free-kick on the right flank. Sigurdsson’s cross is headed clear, and when the ball is sent back into the area Berisha catches.
54 mins: Atalanta miss a chance to make hit four! Petagna screams down the right, gets to the edge of the area and touches to his left, where the ball rolls to Gomez, who blasts high.
53 mins: Gomez strikes a delicious 50-yard pass to Petagna, just outside Everton’s penalty area, but Besic closes him down and then steals the ball away.
52 mins: There’s some nice build-up play from Everton down the right, before Vlasic pulls the ball back to Rooney and his chipped cross floats to Berisha.
49 mins: Everton haven’t completely turned the tide, though: Petagna cuts in from the right and tests Stekelenburg with a low left-footer towards the near post.
48 mins: Everton attack again, Vlasic carrying the ball down the middle of the pitch as team-mates run left and right in support. He tries a long-range left-foot shot that is so poorly struck it only barely reaches Berisha.
47 mins: As Atalanta struggle to clear the ball Freuler twinkletoes his way past two players on the touchline and then goes down under Holgate’s gentle challenge. Free kick.
46 mins: Shot! Everton have a shot! It’s Rooney with it, spinning into the area and blasting a low, hard effort that Berisha pushes clear.
46 mins: Everton get the second half started. Can they dig themselves out of this very big hole?
The players are back out. Remarkably, Everton appear to have made no substitutions.
Andrea Petagna looks excellent. He’s 22, but tall, strong, technically sound, controls the ball well and spots a pass. And Alejandro “Papu” Gomez, at 29, is not so youthful a prospect but is quite the mover. As you can see here (honestly, watch it. It’s really quite funny):
Half time: Atalanta 3-0 Everton
45+1 mins: The referee doesn’t bother with stoppage time. Everton haven’t really started. Atalanta have been excellent; Everton embarrassing.
GOAL! Atalanta 3-0 Everton (Cristante, 44 mins)
This is so easy! The ball is pumped into Everton’s half, where Petagna runs into an impossible amount of space, looks to his left and sees two team-mates also running into impossible amounts of space! He tries to slide the ball across the area to Gomez but Cristante intercepts, runs all alone into the penalty area, and prods past Stekelenburg!
43 mins: Somewhere in the bowels of the stadium, inside the Everton dressing-room, there are some very frightened teacups.
GOAL! Atalanta 2-0 Everton (Gomez, 41 mins)
Atalanta get reward for their dominance, and it’s a beauty! Gomez has been excellent on the left wing; this time he cuts inside and, from a couple of yards outside the area, sends a shot dipping and curling into the far corner!
39 mins: Atalanta, who should be more than a single goal to the good by now, have their sixth corner of the game. The referee spots a foul (though replays suggest it was an Everton player doing the fouling).